I’m feeling a longing to visit, or even relocate to my Papi’s Pais. I told my children today, it’s ironic, my papi was born in Mexico and he migrated to the United States.

I was born here in the United States and often dream of what my life could look like living in Mexico,  the Motherland.

And I’m wondering if anyone else is having a similar longing, or is it just me. I envied his life. He was so blessed to have had the experience and privilege of being reared in Mexico.

I like to listen to this Chicano TikToker named Wayword Son360. He knows a lot. I like to learn as much as I can. Plus he’s a pretty good storyteller. (Actually there’s several that I like to listen to) He was saying, sometimes people believe the grass is greener on the other side. I think both the Mejicano’s De Mejico, Y Tambien Nosotros Chicano’s  Y Mejicano’s De Los Estados Unidos often view the other’s grass through rose colored lenses.

Or at least, I know that I certainly do. I know I would stick out like a sore thumb in Mexico. But I already do that here in this country that I am born in. Especially in these times, when the Latino community is experiencing so much disdain, in particular our immigrants.

I’ve never truly “fit in” here with anyone, or any of the cliques if you will. I love the Cholo/a Estilo , but I was never affiliated with the gangster lifestyle. Algungos amigos/as que si, pero yo no. Y pos con los gringos, mucho menos.

And that empty feeling is what I believe many of us Chicano’s sentimos. Osea la frase que no somos de aqui, ni de alla. I don’t know how to describe it. Is it bittersweet? Is it melancholy? Is it anguish? I don’t know exactly. I can’t pinpoint it, except that I have a deep longing and desire to know the Motherland on a deeper level. To experience the beauty of it.

Only the Lord knows what lies in my future, but I know that now, I have some new goals to accomplish. Some new dreams to make come true.

I’ve lived a good life,  a great life really. I wanted to join the military, and I did that. I wanted to go to college and I did that. I wanted to get married and have children and I did that. Although I’m twice divorced, and I never imagined that part, I can’t complain because a life without mis bendiciones is no life at all. Ahora nomas falta viajar para La Madretierra, Mi Mexico Lindo. Ojala, y si Dios Quiere!