If you’re the father of a daughter, this is for you.

You might be wondering, how does a father play a vital role, concerning his daughter’s weight and self image? Well I’m gonna tell you how, and why it really is more important than you think.

I’ll start by telling you my story.

When I was a baby, and a growing little girl, I was always fat and chubby. Growing up in a Mexican family, we became accustomed to many things.

One of those things, was the family “roastings”. Family would roast you about anything and everything. That’s just the way it goes in a Mexican household. You quickly learn to develop a thick skin.

Being that I was the firstborn, I was their first victim. The one thing that they relentlessly loved to tease me about was my weight.

My dad was just like any other father who loves joking around with his loved ones. To him it was just harmless teasing. It started with: THE SONG. Yes, he made up an entire song about me.

I can laugh about it now, but only because I know that it was my father’s unique way of being playful and connecting with us, through humor. Although at the time, it was the opposite of humorous to me. It was hurtful for a long time.

But as a kid, this song, along with the snide remarks thrown at me by my dad and other loved ones, would unknowingly impact me, for the rest of my life.

Are you ready for the words to this infamous song?

This is how it goes:

“Deanna la marana

Se callo en el socetal

Vino el zapatero

Y no la pudo levantar

The english version/translation of it is:

“Deanna the pig

Fell in the mud

Along came the shoeman

And couldn’t pick her up.”

Some of the remarks that he would also say are:

Lla deja de comer

Or

Lla deja la mesa

Which is:

Quit eating

Or

Get away from the table

There are more, but I’m too embarrassed to repeat them. He always said it laughing. Poking fun at me and not really meaning any harm by it, but also oblivious to the fact that it really did do harm.

As a daughter, I wish I would have received more acceptance, and less body shaming. I wish I would have been taught about self-love. Especially from family.

When a father teases a daughter about her weight, EVEN IF JUST playfully, it leaves her very self-conscious about her entire body and image. I don’t think it’s right to add anymore doubt to her self-image given the societal pressures and unrealistic beauty standards already bombarding her.

Believe it or not, she will never forget it. I think fathers may not realize the power of their spoken words. The things you speak into existence could have impacting consequences on your daughter’s. You decide early on whether that will be negative or positive.

We girls suppress the memories, but it’s like they’re archived in our brain bank. They silently reside there, waiting for the next trigger to resurface that wound. By the time we become women, we have been conditioned to accept this treatment by everyone.

A daughter doesn’t want to be constantly compared to the primas and criticized for the way she looks.. Unfortunately, in my culture that’s a daily part of life.

If it’s not the parents taunting her, trust me there is still tias, tios, abuelitos, primas, primos, and amigos that will gladly step in and do it.

I remember hearing a tio say to me:

“Tu hermana es la mas bonita de todas. “

“Your sister is the prettiest one of all.”

Both of my sisters are equally beautiful by the way. But it bothers me to this day that his words wore planting a negative seed. But I can see that as an adult now, he was causing self-doubt and perhaps even trying to cause a division of our bond. I’m happy to report that it didn’t cause a division in our bond .

But unfortunately, I have come to believe the labels they (people) slapped on us. The label that my sisters are the pretty ones…….and I’m just the smart one. It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy.

And I remember friends of my parents coming to visit and also doing this same thing.

They mean well, but that’s why it’s important to educate our own communities about the possible consequences of these type of words and comparisons.

Check out this movie scene in the link below, from the movie “Little Miss Sunshine. “Watch how the little girl’s father tries to guilt her for eating the ice cream. Because his logic was that she wouldn’t be able to be skinny and thus become a beauty pageant “winner” if she ate the ice cream.

Little Miss Sunshine Ice Cream Scene

What do you think now? Do you think it’s just harmless fun to joke about your daughter’s weight, body, or image? Or do you think perhaps we should approach this area with sensitivity? Or do you worry it will make your daughter weak if she can’t handle your criticism? Let me know your thoughts.

Works Cited:

YouTube:Foxhomeent