Chicana writer

A True Story About Failure and Quitting

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It’s always too soon to quit.

– Dr. Robert Anthony

I’ve mentioned before in some of my previous blogs that I’ve failed a lot in my life. But failing doesn’t always equal quitting.

Everyone knows that it takes failing over and over sometimes, if you really want to perservere.

When I was in the military there was a time when I couldn’t do my “run” (qualifications) in my alloted time. So, they ordered me to attend (Mando PT) mandatory physical training. It sucks because you have to be up at like 4:30 a.m. to excercise every day. I DO NOT MISS THAT!

Anyway. I trained, and trained, and trained religiously, until the day of the re-take PT Quals.

So all of us mando pt, men and women showed up at the gym the day of the re-take PT quals. And I remember the trainors telling us,

“No matter what, don’t stop running until you do all of your laps.”

There was probably about a dozen of us there. So, they started the time on the stop watch, and we all began running our laps.

Immediatly, the few fast runners, were laps ahead of the rest of us slow runners. Some of the ones who did finish their laps in time, ended up vomitting afterwards.

The trainors continued urging the rest of us to finish our laps. But as people started missing their target time, they were just giving up.

Despite that, the trainors kept on shouting from the sidelines,

“Don’t stop! Keep running!,”as a last effort to convince us to finish our laps.

I saw each and every one of the slow runners just throw there hands up in defeat, and walk off the track. I don’t blame them really, they had already failed.

So, now…..it’s just me, Deanna running (chest burning, dying every step of the way). And I was feeling like a dumb @$$. Because everyone that has failed up to this point, has left the track. And my slow @$$ is still running.

I’m hearing the trainors shouting,

“Don’t quit! Just keep going! Finish!”

All the while I’m thinking:

“I’m the only idiot still running, knowing I’ve failed. I’ve missed my mark. I’ve gone way over on my time. And I look stupid!”

But nonetheless, I just could’nt quit. I had already failed the quals. But all that was left, was for me to finish what I had started.

So I ran. It felt unmercifully endless. And I imagine the sight of me was painfully pitiful.

But alas, my tortorous plight had come to its conclusion. Even though I felt like I had to vomit afterwards, I didn’t.

The trainors commended me for not quitting, and for finishing my laps. While I failed to meet the quals, I could at least be proud that I didn’t give up.

This was a similiar experience to our “battlestations training” in bootcamp, where it does not benefit you to give up, and to just quit. I can not stress enough, no matter what you look like and feel like while your doing it, just keep going!

So what if you look like a hot mess! As long as you get it done. Maybe the test isnt, can you finish this race in (insert minutes / amt of time)? Perhaps the real question is, Do you have what it takes to keep running, to FINISH your race?

We can’t win every race we embark on. But we can choose whether or not we cross the FINISH line.

What you get by reaching your destination is not as important as what you become by reaching your destination.

-Dr. Robert Anthony

Quote Taken From,

Anthony, Robert Dr., Think Big A Think Collection,Berkley Aug 1999.

Discerning The Direction Of Your Dreams

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Sometimes I wonder why God gives me these Herculean dreams. I can be thinking that I have it all figured out, and then suddenly God gives me more.

That’s not a complaint really, I’m thankful HE trusts me so much, to assign these special jobs to me. But I am just sitting here talking to God, and maniacally ruminating over every idea and project.

Thinking,

Dear Lord, can I handle all of this? God I have the first documentary to work on… now you bless me with this one. But you’re right LORD, this project is immensly more meaningful, powerful, and massively needed in the Mexican community. God what about my childrens book series? I should be doing that as my PRIORITY. After all, that is my very first project idea. Not to mention my illustrator is patiently waiting on me to finish this. GET IT TOGETHER DEANNA! I tell myself. Tick-tock, tick-tock! Time is of the essence D! Where will I get the resources and finances to fund this? How? How? How? Please tell me now LORD! Yikes! This could take years. Where do I even find the equipment? What about that project I wanted to help my daughter with? They will be grown and gone before I know it. (Big sigh).What about my creative business idea? Can I incorporate that in too, into my schedule and into my life? I have to! It’s mandatory not optional.What if I never finish, or I die? That’s like a permanent, irreversible, INCOMPLETE on my entire life. God please let me accomplish all these wonderful ideas you have put on my mind! It scares me to think what if my dreams don’t come true? What if my time runs out?Etc. Etc.

That would be the greatest tragedy of my life. Those are the things I obsess over daily.

Mix together my maniacal thoughts, with a dash of fear, a half cup of doubt and cup of procrastination. Guess what you get?

You get a lone loba writer, stranded on the deserted island, of the Prisoner Of Words. Cautiously, waiting for the spirits to guide me in the right direction. Waiting to be free to run into the wild once again, to regain my clarity and my vision.

I don’t have all the answers. Most days, I can see the vision clearly, and other days I don’t have the focus. But the appetite, the hunger is never entirely satisfied. Just when I think I’m full, I get hungry for more.

My brain tries to put all the pieces of the puzzle together quickly and painlessly. I try to be strategic in my plans and organization. In the end I know I can do more, and I have to do more. Most importantly I must conquer the fear.

My ideas are as colorful and infinite as Charlie’s Evergobstopper, in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory. They don’t dull or diminish.” They keep coming. To this I marvel at my God!

I found some apps this weekend to help me keep track of my writing productivity and projects. I am excited that I’m on a new journey. One I’ve never been on before. One that scares the bleep outta me.

But I feel my spirit leading me. It’s difficult for this lone loba to go to uncharted territory and pave a path. But I must confess that when a dream placed on you brings you to tears, and you feel it inside all of your soul, you follow it.

This is what I am being led to do. Hold nothing back. It’s better to try and fail than to always wonder what if. And it’s EVEN BETTER to make your magic in the world.

Leave your mark. Trust your instincts! They will lead you if you listen!

God Bless. I pray that God is giving you direction in your own creative dreams and goals. And that you can listen to the spirit guiding you.

You love what you find time to do.

-Dr. Robert Anthony

Quote: Anthony, Robert Dr. THINK BIG A Think Collection, Berkley, Aug. 1999

Photo Credit: http://www.freeimages.com,TomTown

A Crazy Myth Writers Need To Kill

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Im reading The Audacity to be a Writer: 50 Inspiring Articles on WRITING that Could Change Your LIFE.

This book is a compilation of articles by Bryan Hutchinson and many other contributing authors.

Tonight I’m reading the article titled: A Crazy Myth Writers Need To Kill.

This particular article is right on time.

I have been doubting myself and my writing”talent”. I have produced about a dozen blog posts for my blog Candid Chicana since I started in Nov of 2016. The problem is that I hate them all. I feel like I need to go back and tweek, fix, edit, rewrite, change, omit, and revise every single one of them. I’m so dissatisfied that I even contemplated deleting them entirely and starting over.

Most writers probably doubt their skills and abilities. I think that is because they obssess about being good writers. They tend to be the harshest critic on themselves. And with good reason. They passionately care about the quality of their work.

According to Hutchinson,”Simply because some people tell you that you need to know everything about writing doesn’t mean you need to know everything, at least not the way they do. If you buy into such assertations, Writer’s Doubt will eat you up and spit you out.(Hutchinson, Bryan pp.20.)

The Myth:

  • You need to be an expert in all aspects of writing to be a writer.

The Truth:

  • “You don’t need to be a grammar master, you don’t need to know everything about punctuation, and you don’t need to be able to teach English 101. Sure it’s great if you can, but it’s not necessary.”

He compares Stephen King and Danielle Steel, both whom are bestselling authors. King received a B.A. in English in 1970 and published his first novel, Carrie in 1974. Steel never studied writing in school yet she is the fourth bestselling author alive today, with over 800 million copies of her book sold to date.

This has reassured me that it’s okay if I don’t know it all. That I am not required to know it all in order to be a writer. The only real requirement, is to W R I T E! I know I have to work on the mechanics of my writing, but that’s a daily process. Each day I learn more and more and immerse myself in the process.

I don’t have to compete or compare myself with anyone. I just have to do what I love. I just have to write. At the end of the day if I really am an awful writer, there’s still hope for me.

Charles Dickens and Mark Twain were both dropouts and still managed to succeed. There’s hope for me ya’ll! If you are still clicking on my blogs, I thank you very much. Perhaps one day I will write something really profound. I pray that I do.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Leave comments or thoughts below. Let me know if you have suggestions for me or writing tips and advice. I’ll take all the knowledge that I can get. If you have book suggestions please post them in the comment section as well. Better yet, tell me what books you are reading.

Goodnight folks.

Work Cited: Hutchinson, Bryan, The Audacity to be a Writer, 50 Inspiring Articles on WRITING that Could Change Your LIFE. 2015.