candid chicana

Chasing Childhood Dreams

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In my previous blog I posted about my childhood dream of becoming a published author of childrens books. I can honestly say that it’s scary as heck putting myself out there.

What if they hate me? What if they hate what I write, or how I write? What if I make a big fool of myself? What if I am not good enough? Or what if I don’t have what “it” takes?

All of those debilitating questions formerly ruminated in my mind and hindered me from taking action.

When I think back on my life though, I wonder, what happened to me? What happened to that invincible spirit that I was once endowed with?

Where is that girl who (at only 17 years old) seized every opportunity with so much eagerness? That girl that was so ready to conquer the world?

That girl that was a pioneer and not a settler. She was a risk taker not a hesitator. She was neither a leader, nor a follower. Naturally, she was a loner (Something that I used to be embarrassed by, but now embrace as a super power).

Somewhere along this life journey I lost her self-reliant spirit.

Day by day I am striving to regain that spirit once again. Deliberately living my life by my own design, and without second guessing myself. Making decisions that I finally feel are in sync with my future destiny.

I don’t have it all figured out, but I am glad that I rediscovered my childhood dream again. The one that has always felt right. The one that was always there but needed to be revived.

The day before yesterday I came across an old home video of my youngest daughter 💃 dancing from a few years ago.

I can recall that day I recorded her vividly in my mind. I remember begging her,

“Mija will you dance for me, like you used to do when you were just a little baby girl?”

I reminded her of how she used to prance around and dance beautifully. She only agreed, to appease me of course. But still, it is one of my favorite home videos. Because watching your baby girls grow up is priceless.

She had zero dance instruction. It was all her own childhood spirit.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=822552324437934&id=100000495233274

The night I recorded that video of my daughter, I cried myself to sleep after I prayed and talked to God.

I said in my prayer to God…something like”God it’s me. I am so blessed to be the mommy of these two beautiful little girls. But how can it be that you made one of my little girls a dancer, when I can not afford for her to get any type of 💃 instruction? Or provide either of them any form of enrichment programs?”

“God you know that I want to give these little girls the world. But I don’t have money to pay for her to take dance classes or the other one to take 🎹 piano lessons. This is a dream that can be expensive for any mother much less a divorcee single mother,(Which I was at that time) So God, I am asking YOU. If YOU made her to be a dancer, then I trust that YOU will open some doors for her. God YOU are father of the fatherless. So I leave this dream of hers in YOUR hands”

I literally gave it to God and went to sleep.

I completely forgot about that prayer as a couple of weeks had passed. But then one day I found some information online about a ministry that was led by Mrs. Kaitlin–O‘Connell Owens at Wonderfully Made Ballet Studio. I sent a quick question to her via e-mail.

Then one day I received an e-mail response from her. She said she was trained in classical ballet. She told me how this ministry was established for any person who had a desire to dance, to be able to have that opportunity. She told me about how this was a donation based studio and anyone could come and learn and pay what they could in the form of a donation.

It was GOD who opened a door for my babygirl to have an opportunity to dance. She was able to attend a couple of semesters.

I am eternally grateful to the school and Wonderfully Made Ballet Studio and Mrs. Kaitlin for being a part of God’s awnser to this mothers prayer.

Now I have not been able to take her to anymore classes since I started working again. Nor do I know if my daughter will ever get a chance to do it again.

But I have a suspicion that her spirit is that of a dancer. And that one way or another she will always gravitate back to her childhood dreams(Only God and Time will tell.)

Yesterday was also the 15th Birthday of my oldest daughter. It’s particularly important in my Mexican culture, because it is a coming of age type celebration. Where she has earned her rite of passage into womanhood. Typically the family has a church ceremony and fiesta celebration afterwards called a quinceanera.

So in reference to childhood dreams, I lament that she will no longer be my little 👧girl, rather she is my little woman now. She will embark on her own journey of self-discovery.

As you can guess my life is busy and full. I have to carve out time to become the me that I’m trying to be, and simultaneously be a working mother who supports my childrens dreams. I feel sleep deprived lately, yet determined to push forward.

My prayer is that all of you may find your chilhood dream. Whatever it is that you are most passionate about. That you would pursue it. And may it come true for you, and for me, and for all of us who are diligently working on our dreams.

Becoming Me

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At 24 years old I applied to the Institute of Children’s Literature. It has always been a dream of mine to publish a children’s book.

I had to send in a written essay. They read over the essays and select some applicants.

Well, I was so happy when I received my letter of acceptance saying that my essay impressed them.

Regrettably, I quit after my first assignment. I’m now 34 years old. Ten years have passed and I have started many projects and either quit them or failed them.

I hate revealing that about myself really. But I’m a pretty great “failure”. Or I should say I’m excellent at creating ideas and starting them, but I’m horrible at seeing them through.

At one point a family member told me to my face that she didn’t want to be “pathetic” like me. Effing OUCH!

Not that I expect everyone to want to emulate me anyway, but it still hurt.

It’s like, wait what? I didn’t think my life was so bad. I may not be where I thought I would be by now, but my life’s not that bad.

Booker T. Washington once said,

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.”

My dreams of being a writer would still be just a dream, had I not lost my dad in 2016. His death has shaken me to the core.

I have a new problem now. I feel like I can’t WASTE any time. And especially not another decade.

Obviously there were detours in my life, but how did I get so complacent and stagnant with my ambitions?

So here I am. It’s now the year 2017. Everyone is making resolutions. I don’t even begin to know what resolutions to make in my life….because I never complete them.

So if I make a few and accomplish any, I will consider it a success.

Deanna’s 2017 New Year’s Resolutions

  • Write 1 blog per week at minimum for my blog CANDID CHICANA.
  • Write my children’s books.
  • Revisit some of my incomplete projects that I still can’t let go of and finish or complete them.
  • Put down my cell phone in the company of friends(a new personal conviction of mine.
  • Play with my children, read to my children, and love every second I have with them.
  • Inspire and influence others in a positive way.

I can’t fret over my past, nor will I be discouraged by it. Instead, I will use all of it to mold me into a better me.

Do you have dreams that are hidden and long forgotten? Maybe it’s time for you to revisit those dreams….and go after them. After all, it will take action.

God bless you all this year! May 2017 be your year of prosperity!🎉🎊

A Single Lovely Action

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“All the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action.”

-James Russell

Several months ago God put someone and something on my heart. I felt that HE wanted me to help a single mother who was struggling.

Being that I could truly empathize with her scenario all too well, I felt like I could do something to help her. Even if it would only be on a miniscule scale.

So I decided to “adopt a family”(this single mother and her 4 children) for Christmas. I gave myself several months to prepare…because as much as I love philanthropy, I’m no Oprah Winfrey with a billionaire status, who has unlimited funds to give extravagantly.

All I saw, was a single mom hurting, and I could relate to the hurt (because everything she said was me- and my life at one point in time.) Therefore, I felt a call to minister with a “lovely action.”

Before I knew it, another kind soul wanted to be a part of this kind deed. Then another, and then again, another. Suddenly there was 4 of us who had officially adopted this single mother and her 4 children for Christmas.

After several months of collaborative efforts on our part, we were able to abundantly bless this family.

With the help of these 3 ladies I was able to do more together, than anything I could have ever imagined doing on my own. Thank you Marsha Haywood, Marcene Weatherall, and Vanessa Hill, for your substantial and generous contributions.

Initially, I hadn’t planned on blogging about our kind gesture. I thought of this many months ago before I even started my blog. Although, I have since changed my mind and decided to share about it because it really was intrinsically rewarding and the four of us were glad to do it.

And if it encourages others to go out and participate in their own random acts of kindness and “lovely actions”…then it has caused a chain reaction of good deeds. Why wouldn’t I want to share my good and positive energy with the world?

One thing I hope to accomplish with my blog is to positively influence people, and to highlight the beauty of human nature. We see enough of the cruelty and callousness in human nature, and I don’t really have a vision for those topics and that direction right now.

So, may the words on this page cause a ripple effect in all who read, and inspire them to go out and find a single lovely action to perform this new year. Don’t forget to come back and share them with me.

Remember that all of your single lovely actions are more valuable than all of your well intended sentiments.

I know I have felt conviction myself behind this. Many times I have said to a fellow friend, “I’ll pray for you.” When it is just more effective and meaningful to the person if we just pray with them.

I’ll be honest, for me, it’s a fear that my prayer won’t sound right, or be eloquently expressed. Maybe 50% of the time I have the courage to actually pray with them. So, I know I have some growing to do in that area. But for now I will keep moving forward.

Please remember to leave a comment. What great ideas can you think of that might be considered a “single lovely action?”

Topic & Title Inspired by James Russell quote

Photo credits: Deanna G.M.Childs

Hearts for the Homeless, Coats for the Holidays

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Three years ago my little family became homeless for a short period of time. I had never been in that situation before. We went from staying at a motel to living with friends to living out of our vehicle.

It’s a pretty difficult circumstance to endure. And very stressful. You don’t eat well. You don’t sleep well. After days of no acess to a shower, let’s just be blunt about it you undoubtedly stink! You feel fear, uncertainty, and helplessness. When basic needs aren’t met the psychological state of a person is affected.

Not to mention we had three children at the time and it was especially cold on those October nights. We slept in our vehicle…this was one of our most trying hardships as a family. Thank God we had a vehicle to sleep in at the very least. Most homeless live out on the streets.

It can happen to anyone; veterans, single men and women, families, the employed, the unemployed,and virtually anyone.

Getting accepted into a shelter is challenging if not near impossible. In these bigger cities, where we have a higher population of homeless people, they occupy the shelters quickly. They stay full and rarely have space available.

It’s quickly discouraging because you realize they don’t have any room to help everyone. And they don’t have room to help you.

In Fort Worth, Texas you can go down Lancaster street and see the homeless men, women, and even children huddled in blankets together trying to keep warm.

The time I was homeless I tried to get my little family into a shelter but they said they were full. The only thing I could do was to be put on a waiting list.

Eventually I got a call from the shelter, but the call was literally 6 months after the fact and a whole new season later. By then we had an apartment again.

I just love to hear stories about people and organizations that go out and help our homeless community. I love those who have a heart for the homeless.

That’s why today I want to give a special shoutout to a business who went above and beyond. They went out and made an impact on the homeless community here in Fort Worth, Texas.

Cranium Barber Shop, and their team along, with friends and family,(approximately 12 to 15 volunteers) held their third annual coat drive on Sunday December 18,2016. They were able to distribute many coats/jackets to the homeless.

It is so beautiful to see love in action. Check out this candid photo of my work colleage and mentor, Marsha Haywood volunteering at this year’s annual coat drive. Marsha said,”I love helping people and wish I could do it more than once a year.” She said she was “amazed and encouraged by these less fortunate, who despite their struggles were very happy and in good spirits.”

The Holy Bible says

“…for I was hungry and you gave Me food, I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you came to me.” ( Matthew 25:35)

And….

“…Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.”(Matthew 25:40)

That means that when we help somebody in need, in essence it is the same as if we were helping God.

Thank you to Cranium Barber Shop for caring about the least of these in Fort Worth. We salute you! For showing us how you represent your organization. How you go out and support the homeless community with your benevolent annual charity event.

Allow me to leave you with my parting thoughts.

Don’t forget to remember the least of these. They are normal people just like you and I. They shouldn’t be forgotten. So I encourage everyone especially any readers or followers of my blog to go out and help out at least one homeless person this holiday season.

Come back and share your photos with me. I would love see your candid photos and to hear about what you did to contribute to ths homeless community.

You just don’t know how happy they must feel when they realize that we see them. We hear them. We want to bless them, pray for them, and believe with them in a better tomorrow. Help them in practical ways. Buy them a meal. Bring them a toiletries backpack. Or give them a warm coat.

Let’s show Cranium Barber Shop some love by liking their organizations Facebook page and leaving some encouragement and positive feedback.

Find them on social media at:

Cranium Barber Shop on Facebook

Like, Save, and Follow, to show your support.

Photo Credits: Cranium Barber Shop, Marsha Haywood

Published with permission by Marsha Haywood

Edgar Allen Toes & Edna Adale Toes

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Edgar and Edna are both pot-bellied pigs. They are each around 4 years old. They live inside with their humans Michael and Julie Hestor.

Both Edgar and Edna are famous on Facebook and both currently have more followers than me. Edgar has 174 followers and Edna has 192 followers. I only have 59 followers.

Talking with Michael and Julie I learned that pot-bellied pigs are sometimes purchased because they are so cute and adorable when they are baby pigs.

Once they grow up, sometimes they become a burden on the owner. Perhaps the owner didn’t expect that they would grow up to get so big, but they do.

Unfortunately, many pigs are then mistreated and abandoned. Pot-bellied pigs are a very emotional species and share similar traits as humans.

I was surprised to learn that they can become depressed and experience many of the things humans do. One source even said that pigs have dreams daily like humans do. Can you really believe that? They also love sleeping snout to snout.

They are considered very highly intelligent animals and are said to be,” smarter than a three-year old child.”(Tram,Lillian)

Some interesting facts about pot bellied pigs are; they have weak eye vision, they have to use their sense of smell to communicate and function, ironically they like to be clean and they never go potty where they sleep.

Amazingly, “they have more than 20 different vocalizations they use to communicate with each other.”

Michael and Julie have joined forces with organizations that prioritize in putting these abandoned pigs into the hands of good people willing to be adoptive parents and give these pigs a good home.

If you need help rehoming a pot-bellied pig or even adopting a pot-bellied pig you can reach out to Michael and Julie via Facebook by following Edgar and Ednas Facebook Page.

Or if you just wish to keep up with Edgar and Edna, please like and follow their pages on Facebook.

You will fall absolutely in love with them!

You can even watch the video of Edgars first bath in the 🛁.

Featured in this photo is Edgar and Edna.

Photo Credits: Michael & Julie Hestor

Taken From Edgar & Edna Allen Toes Facebook Page

Sources:

Tram,Lillian (Cool Facts) Taken on 12/13/16 from http://www.mypigmeup/pig-jokes-puns-and-facts/

A Short Prose About A Pig Named Edgar Allen Toes

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Edgar Allen Toes is a POT-bellied pig. This baby 🐖 was about to hit the jack-POT when it came to finding his lucky adoptive parents.

He would be the chosen one. This pigs tail would be the tale of every swine’s envy.

This is his story.

It all started when a beautiful

young woman, named Julie Hestor, was on her way to Florida to visit her parents.

She was very fun and spontaneous, and loved to go to the casino 🎰.

Well she decided to go that day to a casino and try her luck.

You never know right? Plus sometimes a girl just wants to have some fun. So that’s what she did.

Well Julie was a magnetic force that day…because she just happened to sit at a machine that already had winnings.

She cashed it in and was instantly sixty bucks richer. 💰(That‘s pretty cool hu?) Can you say…Cha-Ching? Cha-Ching!💵💵

Julie was pretty happy to have that extra spending money in her pocket. It’s no surprise that she wanted to stop at a flea market next.

You never know what you’re going to find there. All sorts of treasures waiting to be discovered. Odds and ends, knickknacks, and what-nots!

Julie was browsing all the wonderful and exciting things, when she heard a high-pitched squealing. She rushed over to see what the fuss was all about.

She stood there and watched several pot-bellied piglets run away squealing. But there was only one who stayed. He didn’t run away.

He would be the chosen one. He just stood there like a soldier at attention.

He looked into her eyes and that instant they became connected soul to soul forever and ever.

Julie used her casino winnings to seal the deal. She paid $30 for him and off they went.

Julie then took her new baby pot bellied pig on the trip, because remember she was still heading to Florida.

Finally she arrived at her destination. Julie tried to be inconspicuous as she gave the baby pig a bath in her mother’s beautiful, luxurious, and expensive bathtub.

Afterwards she was a little remorseful for that, but it turned out ok, because her mother grew fond of the baby pig too.

Two days later, Julies beloved husband, Michael lost his dad.

But the baby pot bellied piggy was such an emotional creature that a connection was formed between the two of them. They found comfort and friendship in each other.

Over time Michael became best friends with the baby piggy and they were inseparable from then on.

They named this baby piggy EDGAR ALLEN TOES. They took him home to Fort Worth, Texas and made him a part of their family.

Since Julie and Michael loved horror films they thought this was a good name for the baby pot-bellied pig. Also the initials spelled out are E. A. T. (Pretty clever don’t you think?)

Soon It was December 7, and it was Julie and Michael’s 22’nd Wedding Anniversary. So, Michael decided to do something special.

As a wedding gift to his wife, he went out and found Edgar Allen Toes a pot-bellied piggy wife.

He brought her home and he named her EDNA ADALE TOES. Now they could all live happily ever after just like pigs in a blanket.

Well maybe not Edgar….because guess what?

Edna snores!

The End.

Based on a true story.

Photo credits: Michael and Julie Hestor

Manifesting Your Self-fulfilling Prophecy

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I first learned the concept of the self fulfilling prophecy in college. I believe it was during an Intro to Teaching course. Back when I thought I wanted to be a junior high teacher.

Self-fulfilling prophecy is a term coined by Robert Merton in 1948 to describe “a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the originally false conception come true”(Bearman, Peter & Headstrom, Peter, pp 294-314). My own definition and explanation of a self-fulfilling prophecy can be summed up with the modern adage,

“Fake it,until you make it.”

I seriously must be the only person who just can’t figure out exactly what I want to be when I grow up (Mind you I’m about to turn 35 and I should have my sh** figured out by now). I just haven’t been able to commit to any one thing. Partly because I am interested in several fields of work.

Here’s a list of all of all the things I’ve said I wanted to be “when I grow up”:

Writer/News Reporter/Journalist,Junior High Reading Teacher,Counselor/Life Coach/Mental Health Specialist, Psychologist,Published Author (Genre: Children’s),Post-Secondary Educator:(Sociology)(Chicano/Ethnic Studies),Small Business Owner,Establishing a Private School,Literature or Language Arts Teacher.

Now that I AM grown up, my ambitions seem to be compounding in grandiosity . What I mean is…instead of being more practical, my ambitions seem to be growing and evolving into what seems to be an unobtainable dream. And they aren’t slowing down or diminishing in area.

My revised list of what I want to be when I grow up has changed. My new list includes:

Magazine Creator, Blogger, Social Media Marketer/Content Marketer, Philanthropist, Newspaper Creator, 🎥 Film/Video/Documentary Maker, Marketing Manager.

The only conclusion that I can come to is that no matter which road I choose, I will be doing exactly what I am meant to be doing. And that is storytelling. Therefore I do hereby declare myself a storyteller with the potential to become a Master Storyteller.

My personal self fulfilling prophecy is that I will become a Master Storyteller. It will seem effortless only because it is MY calling. I am ready to map out some of my goals and create a new ten year goal sheet for my fabulous future. I am ready for my masterpiece manifestation in the art of storytelling.

What are some of your grandiose dreams and ambitions? Better yet what do you want to be when YOU grow up? Or have you already been fortunate to land your dream job?

Whether you have your dream job or not, why not set some self-fulfilling prophecies for yourself? They can be personal, professional, educational, or for any other areas of your life. Please share some of them with me in the comments section.

Let me leave you with a famous quote that I love by the Victorian novelist, George Eliot:

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”

–George Elliot

Now go out and conquer the world my friends.

To contact me:

dstatam63@bethelu.edu

candidchicana@gmail.com

My Image: Deanna Guadalupe Montalvo

Works Cited:

(Fake it) Unknown author

George Eliot. (n.d.) BrainyQuote.com Retrieved December 4, 2016, from BrainyQuote.com website: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/g/georgee

The Oxford Handbook of Analytical Sociology, ed. Peter Bearman and Peter Headstrom, Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2009, pp294-314.

Mis Padres, My Parents!

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After I got home from work the other night, I called my mami. Earlier that day I had been having a rough time. I had many things troubling me. So I told her the details of my day and asked her some questions.

I was hoping that she could offer some encouragement and would have some input for me. So I was a little crushed when she just responded,

“I don’t know mija“.

There was an awkward silence after her response. I just smiled though because it was ok. I know she’s still grieving the loss of my papi (daddy).

I wasn’t crushed because she didn’t have an awnser, but because I really just needed reassuring responses. Or better yet if I could just have one more of those candid conversations I used to have with mi papi.

Mi papi would have these deep, thought provoking replies. He always knew just what to say.There was never a right or wrong answer. He just always had a well thought out message. His wisdom probably credited to the life experiences he had.

As I previously shared in my bio page post, I lost mi papi in July. My dad somehow knew that I didn’t really need an answer to these questions (because there is no ONE awnser). He knew I just needed to engage in a philosophical conversation. He was brilliant at helping me to understand “life”. Gosh I miss him so much! I still cry everyday.

I feel like I am constantly trying to talk about him. I’m always finding any reason to bring him up (So if it’s annoying, I apologize). Hopefully, what I say is inspiring and not irritating.

Now don’t get me wrong about my mom. She’s smart too. I call her a “Jane of all trades”. She is skilled in many ways. She’s entrepreneurial. She DIY’s and I’m not only talking about crafts and glue gun type. I’m talking about ordering Auto Zone and Oreilys Auto Parts kind and being her own mechanic. She really has superhero strengths 💪.

My mother is my only living parent now, so I will be scrutinizing everything she does and how she does it (And being the nerd that I am, I’ll probably write notes to help me remember for future reference). Not in a negative and critical sense but just in an awe and respectful sense.

It brings a smile to my face, knowing that I see a combination of the traits of both my parents in myself. I feel like I inherited mi papi’s intellectual and philosophical curiosity and mi mami’s creativity and entrepeneurial gusto.

During their formative years, my parents both dropped out of middle school; my dad in Mexico, and my mom in America. I wish I would have inquired a little more about their extenuating circumstances. I’m sure we talked about it some. I regret not having written any of it down, for my memory fails me now.

I now have to fill that vacant space someway. I have to find other people who are willing to have these candid conversations with me. That’s hard to do in this day in age because everyone is busy in life, or caught up on social media such as Facebook (Whom I myself have become victim to frequently).

Perhaps this blog I’ve created will be a little outlet, and a way to fill that vacancy. I enjoy using my creativity to challenge myself in this way. I love words and writing. I’m on a learning adventure everyday of my life. I meet people with incredible stories and I pray that one day they will let me share their stories as well.

Feel free to chime in. Obviously my blog and my writing won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. But hopefully in some way I can encourage others to pursue their passions. I want to hear your thoughts. Tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly.

So my parting thought and message for this post is,

Honor your mother and father. Remember to call your parents tonight. Thank them for all they have sacrificed. Most importantly don’t forget to tell them you love them.

–Deanna Guadalupe Montalvo

I’m not trying to be bossy or sound condescending. I’m just a little jealous because I can’t call mi papi anymore. I sure will be calling my mom though.

If you don’t have your parents to talk to anymore. Please don’t be sad. Email me. I will read your stories and engage in philosophical (or any candid) type of conversations with you.

I hope you like reading my stories and snippets of life as well. If you do please follow my blog. And if you don’t that’s quite alright too.

To contact me:

dstatam63@bethelu.edu

candidchicana@gmail.com

My Photo: “Papi & Mami” Jose Guadalupe Montalvo, Gloria Anna Montalvo