In my previous blog I posted about my childhood dream of becoming a published author of childrens books. I can honestly say that it’s scary as heck putting myself out there.

What if they hate me? What if they hate what I write, or how I write? What if I make a big fool of myself? What if I am not good enough? Or what if I don’t have what “it” takes?

All of those debilitating questions formerly ruminated in my mind and hindered me from taking action.

When I think back on my life though, I wonder, what happened to me? What happened to that invincible spirit that I was once endowed with?

Where is that girl who (at only 17 years old) seized every opportunity with so much eagerness? That girl that was so ready to conquer the world?

That girl that was a pioneer and not a settler. She was a risk taker not a hesitator. She was neither a leader, nor a follower. Naturally, she was a loner (Something that I used to be embarrassed by, but now embrace as a super power).

Somewhere along this life journey I lost her self-reliant spirit.

Day by day I am striving to regain that spirit once again. Deliberately living my life by my own design, and without second guessing myself. Making decisions that I finally feel are in sync with my future destiny.

I don’t have it all figured out, but I am glad that I rediscovered my childhood dream again. The one that has always felt right. The one that was always there but needed to be revived.

The day before yesterday I came across an old home video of my youngest daughter 💃 dancing from a few years ago.

I can recall that day I recorded her vividly in my mind. I remember begging her,

“Mija will you dance for me, like you used to do when you were just a little baby girl?”

I reminded her of how she used to prance around and dance beautifully. She only agreed, to appease me of course. But still, it is one of my favorite home videos. Because watching your baby girls grow up is priceless.

She had zero dance instruction. It was all her own childhood spirit.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=822552324437934&id=100000495233274

The night I recorded that video of my daughter, I cried myself to sleep after I prayed and talked to God.

I said in my prayer to God…something like”God it’s me. I am so blessed to be the mommy of these two beautiful little girls. But how can it be that you made one of my little girls a dancer, when I can not afford for her to get any type of 💃 instruction? Or provide either of them any form of enrichment programs?”

“God you know that I want to give these little girls the world. But I don’t have money to pay for her to take dance classes or the other one to take 🎹 piano lessons. This is a dream that can be expensive for any mother much less a divorcee single mother,(Which I was at that time) So God, I am asking YOU. If YOU made her to be a dancer, then I trust that YOU will open some doors for her. God YOU are father of the fatherless. So I leave this dream of hers in YOUR hands”

I literally gave it to God and went to sleep.

I completely forgot about that prayer as a couple of weeks had passed. But then one day I found some information online about a ministry that was led by Mrs. Kaitlin–O‘Connell Owens at Wonderfully Made Ballet Studio. I sent a quick question to her via e-mail.

Then one day I received an e-mail response from her. She said she was trained in classical ballet. She told me how this ministry was established for any person who had a desire to dance, to be able to have that opportunity. She told me about how this was a donation based studio and anyone could come and learn and pay what they could in the form of a donation.

It was GOD who opened a door for my babygirl to have an opportunity to dance. She was able to attend a couple of semesters.

I am eternally grateful to the school and Wonderfully Made Ballet Studio and Mrs. Kaitlin for being a part of God’s awnser to this mothers prayer.

Now I have not been able to take her to anymore classes since I started working again. Nor do I know if my daughter will ever get a chance to do it again.

But I have a suspicion that her spirit is that of a dancer. And that one way or another she will always gravitate back to her childhood dreams(Only God and Time will tell.)

Yesterday was also the 15th Birthday of my oldest daughter. It’s particularly important in my Mexican culture, because it is a coming of age type celebration. Where she has earned her rite of passage into womanhood. Typically the family has a church ceremony and fiesta celebration afterwards called a quinceanera.

So in reference to childhood dreams, I lament that she will no longer be my little 👧girl, rather she is my little woman now. She will embark on her own journey of self-discovery.

As you can guess my life is busy and full. I have to carve out time to become the me that I’m trying to be, and simultaneously be a working mother who supports my childrens dreams. I feel sleep deprived lately, yet determined to push forward.

My prayer is that all of you may find your chilhood dream. Whatever it is that you are most passionate about. That you would pursue it. And may it come true for you, and for me, and for all of us who are diligently working on our dreams.